Friday, May 30, 2014

Texas Legislature Considering “Open Genital Carry” to Stem Gun Violence

(5/30/2014 Austin, TX)
In a rare move aimed at stemming gun violence, the Texas legislature is considering a bill that would allow men to display their genitals in public.

“It’s a known fact that there is a direct correlation between the feeling some men have for guns,” said Dick Lackey (R-Dallas), the bill’s sponsor, “and the feeling they have for their cocks.”

Lately, Texas has come under fire due to the fact that members of Open Carry Texas have been harassing people with assault rifles in public places, such as Chipotle and Starbucks.  In several instances, police were notified due to the uneasy feeling other customers had in the presence of the armed groups of men.  No arrests have been  made.  Both Chipotle and Starbucks have asked people not to bring weapons into their stores.

“I think it’s a great idea,” said Stan Rubbov, Dallas Police Commissioner.  “If these men could just walk around with their penises in their hands instead of guns, all citizens would be much safer.  It’s really what they want to do anyway. We should just let them.”

Governor Rick Perry supports the measure.  “Look, I love guns,” he said.   “But sometimes I would just rather have my cock in my hand.”